1 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,840 Did you want leg wax...? 2 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,920 - Wax strips. - Yes. 3 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,080 It's different. 4 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,840 You know, most people stopped ordering their groceries online 5 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,640 once the pandemic kind of petered out. 6 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:29,640 Not me, sis. 7 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,720 Online groceries and Zoom funerals 8 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,040 are the two great legacies of the spicy cough. 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,040 - These ones? - Yeah, they're great. 10 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,000 Yep. Righto. 11 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,840 Why are you such a good boy? 12 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,280 Think I might jazz up those old pizzas for dinner. 13 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,400 - Are you joking? - No. 14 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,840 I have told you so many times, 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,216 we're having dinner with Meggles and her new girlfriend tonight. 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,240 Fuck, that's right. Jesus, that was fast. 17 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,360 I know, and I've stalked her on Insta. 18 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,440 Not good. 19 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,360 Can I get out of it? 20 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,520 Nup, you can't. 21 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,640 All right, not getting any cuter than that. 22 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:00,000 Um... ooh, do you want to walk me to the station? 23 00:01:00,001 --> 00:01:01,536 Um... ooh, do you want to walk me to the station? 24 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:02,880 I'm early. We could get a coffee. 25 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:03,840 I'm... 26 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,360 I've got that lunch with that corporate guy today 27 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,840 and I think I might just have a lay in, if that's all right. 28 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:10,680 Oh. Okay. 29 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,560 Don't be sad, we're having dinner together. 30 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,960 And we live together. 31 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,040 Okay, well, keep yourself nice at lunch, please. 32 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,360 - I will. - Yeah? Promise. 33 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:18,560 - I promise. - Okay. 34 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,960 Stay fresh, cheese bags. 35 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,040 You too. 36 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,120 - Ooh yeah. 37 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,760 - Oh yeah. 38 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:49,400 - Ooh yeah. Ooh! Ooh! 39 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:52,200 - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 40 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,800 - Hey! 41 00:01:58,880 --> 00:01:59,999 What's up? What's going on? 42 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,360 What's up? What's going on? 43 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:01,496 - You forget something? - Yeah. 44 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,680 Yeah, yeah, my cap. 45 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:03,800 - I forgot my cap. - Oh. 46 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:04,800 There it is. 47 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,360 There it is. So, cool, got it now. 48 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,440 Cool, cool. 49 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,120 - Got it. - Um... 50 00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:11,080 Were you masturbating? 51 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,160 Hey? 52 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,640 Were you... were you having a wank? 53 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,040 No! 54 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,800 No, I... no, I... sorry, no. 55 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,160 I was just taking my pants off to get in the shower. 56 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,880 - Was just about to jump up and do that. 57 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:21,840 - Ah, yeah. 58 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:25,080 Yeah. 'Cause porn came through my Air Pods downstairs. 59 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,320 Did they? That's weird. That's so strange. 60 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,616 I'd look into that 'cause that's maybe a Bluetooth thing. 61 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,920 I do have some neighbours, actually, who, sometimes we get crossed. 62 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,720 And they've got some pretty weird, um... 63 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,520 I don't know, whatever they get up to. 64 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,080 No judgement, but, um... 65 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,640 no judgement, but, um... 66 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:40,880 - Yeah. - Yeah. 67 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:41,800 Yeah. 68 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,920 - So weird. - Yep. 69 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,120 Yeah... 70 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,320 - Yep. - Ah. 71 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,800 Sorry, I was. I was. 72 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,600 I was. Is that bad? 73 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:55,360 Nope. 74 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,880 Nah, I'm... I'm pretty cool with that kind of thing. 75 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,760 Oh. Oh, cool. 76 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:00,000 Yeah, yeah. 77 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,880 Yeah, yeah. 78 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,960 Just, um... in front of the dog, though. 79 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,080 I mean, yeah. He's a little bit close. 80 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,440 But I mean, he's not... 81 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,480 I mean, to be clear, he was not a part of it. 82 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,600 I forgot he was there, if anything. 83 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,800 Now I think of it, though, we did have sex last night. 84 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,096 Yeah, we did, and it was great. 85 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,240 - Was it? - I thought so. 86 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,480 Yeah. 87 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,240 No, no, no, it's cool. It's just that, yeah. 88 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,480 James never did this, 89 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,320 so I'm like, yeah, it's a bit new for me. 90 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,000 Excuse me, yes, he did. 91 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,120 No, he told me that 92 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,120 he never watched porn or masturbated. 93 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,920 Oh, well, ah, he lied. 94 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,680 He lied to you. James is a liar. 95 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,680 Cool. Yeah, all right. 96 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,480 Just so you know, there was an on-ramp. 97 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:38,680 Like, the... the, um... 98 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,880 the wax strips box that I was buying for you 99 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,480 had some very leggy, sexy legs on it, and it just... 100 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,120 It got in there, you know, and that's... 101 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,280 And so there was an on-ramp. 102 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,120 This didn't just come out of nowhere. 103 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,840 Oh yeah, like I said, fine. 104 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,336 You sure you're fine? You don't seem fine. 105 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,720 Hey, the box. The legs. It's chill. 106 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,000 Catch ya. 107 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,000 Catch ya. 108 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,040 She's not fine. 109 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,120 And you are a bit close. 110 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,080 I don't... I feel rejected, Meggles, 111 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,240 on, like, every level. 112 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,360 You know, they say 113 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,800 the first three months of every relationship 114 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,160 is unpacking your last one. 115 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,880 So, for you, that's... 116 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,080 that's you working out the ways that James fucked you up. 117 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,000 Yeah. 118 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,160 And I guess Gordon's, like, 119 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,520 letting go of being by himself. 120 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,840 These relationship podcasts are really good, babe. 121 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:52,920 I know, right? 122 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,200 - Hey, James. 123 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:55,720 Hey, girls. 124 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,000 - What? - Nothing. 125 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,000 - What? - Nothing. 126 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,760 What's going on there? 127 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,640 Uh, it's my girlfriend, Rumi Cashmere. 128 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,000 Okay, just want you to know. 129 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,600 - Not her real name. - It is. 130 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,680 It is. 131 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,400 Okay... 132 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,160 You have a girlfriend? Holy shit. 133 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,040 Yeah, she broke up with Chiara like, oh, shit, 134 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,520 three minutes ago. 135 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,480 - Why are you being a bitch? - I'm not. I'm not. 136 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:22,800 You are. 137 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:23,760 So, 138 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,880 can you not just be excited that I've met someone 139 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,040 who I actually really like? 140 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,880 Okay, I'm just saying that that hat is a beige flag. 141 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:30,960 Ash! 142 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,000 Okay. Okay. 143 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,160 I'm getting a coke. 144 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,400 Fuck you. 145 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,960 Love you. 146 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:47,960 What? What's up? 147 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,320 You told me that you didn't jerk off. 148 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,560 Okay... 149 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,560 So, was that a lie? Like, I'm just wondering. 150 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,680 You know, when you stop going out with someone, 151 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:00,000 the general rule is, you stop acting crazy with them. 152 00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:02,480 The general rule is, you stop acting crazy with them. 153 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,160 No, that's... that's not the rule, actually. 154 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,280 Room 12. 155 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,920 Mr Robson's waiting for a catheter. 156 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,480 Right. 157 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,800 Chop-chop. 158 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:14,880 I'm coming. 159 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,840 I said I never watched porn. 160 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,280 I never said I didn't... masturbate. 161 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,200 So, what do you... do you watch then? 162 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:30,440 Um, nothing. 163 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,760 Just use my brain. 164 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,520 Things I saw. People I used to be with. 165 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,240 That is cool. That's pretty cool then. 166 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,640 - Mm. - Yeah? 167 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,240 So we do. 168 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,336 We go up Sunday morning to do boogie boarding out here 169 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,240 and it just goes off. 170 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,816 - You and me? - Absolute... yeah, no, yeah. 171 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,536 Another glass of the Chablis for either of you? 172 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,000 - Yeah. - No. 173 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,720 - Yeah. - No. 174 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,520 We'll, ah... we'll get a bottle, love. Ta. 175 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,440 Of course. 176 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:04,576 - There we go. - Cheers, mate. 177 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,936 These bugs will change your life, mate. 178 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,240 - Get stuck in. - Sure... 179 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,960 - Yeah. - Thank you. 180 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,160 Mate. 181 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,336 Thanks for making the time, man. 182 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,120 Oh, mate, it's... it's my pleasure, Jared. 183 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,720 It's nice to finally put a face to the incessant phone calls and emails. 184 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:17,640 Yeah. 185 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,480 Look, I am enthusiastic about my job. 186 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,400 - Guilty of that, yeah. - Yeah. 187 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,240 Which is what, exactly? 188 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,400 Oh. 189 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,560 - "Chief Growth Officer." - Yeah. 190 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,056 Not what the missus would say, mate. 191 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,680 - Ha. 192 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,960 Yeah, nah, I started in finance, did that whole thing, 193 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,400 bit of time at Cadbury-Schweppes, 194 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,480 ah, the integrity unit at the NRL, 195 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,800 bit of time at Channel 9, 196 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,160 few Logies after parties, mate, 197 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,320 and now we're at Lion Australia, which is fantastic. 198 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,440 - Oh, that's great. - Yeah. 199 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,800 Hey, Jared, it's so nice to be wined and dined 200 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,616 - on the company card, obviously. - All right, yeah. 201 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,760 But what did...? Did you have a proposal, or...? 202 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,320 Not into the foreplay, big fella? 203 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,840 - Well... - Okay, good on ya, mate. 204 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,016 Look, we just wanted to get in front of you, man, 205 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,480 and say what a fan we are of what you're doing and your beer. 206 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:00,000 - Ah. - We think you're special. 207 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:00,720 - Ah. - We think you're special. 208 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,256 We think you're an outlier in the field, 209 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,120 and, ah, mate, we want to do business with you. 210 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,120 - Really? - Yeah. 211 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,000 So what we do, man... I'll give you the speel. 212 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:08,880 Yep. 213 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,160 We deliver strong branding communication campaigns 214 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,600 that deliver vertical integration and portfolio growth. 215 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:14,880 - Right. - So, say no more. 216 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:15,800 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 217 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,400 Well, say a bit more 'cause I don't really know what that means. 218 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,520 - Wait for this. You ready? - Yep. 219 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,560 We want to buy your brewery. 220 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,240 Bang. 221 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,520 Big bang, mate. 222 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,840 - Yeah, right. - There it is. 223 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,000 There it is. 224 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,159 Your life just changed. 225 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,039 - Mm. - What are you driving? 226 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,600 - I drive... - Not anymore. 227 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,320 - Good on you, mate. - Oh, okay. 228 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,840 What a special moment for you. 229 00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:41,919 Yeah... 230 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,560 - Oh yeah. - Yep. 231 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,520 Oh yeah! 232 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,760 - Oh yeah, mate. - Yes, yes. 233 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,960 Let's get you a bit more comfortable, hey, Mr Robson? 234 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:52,920 Thank you. 235 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,080 Got the best girls on the job. 236 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,640 That's right. 237 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,000 - Hey, regarding tonight? - Yep? 238 00:09:00,001 --> 00:09:01,720 - Hey, regarding tonight? - Yep? 239 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,840 Just promise me you'll be nice, Ash. 240 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,440 Yeah. 241 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,200 Can I get more than a "yeah"? 242 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,720 Yeah, I promise. 243 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,776 It just really matters to me that you like her. 244 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,920 Mm-hmm. Are you okay there, Mr Robson? 245 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,000 Marvellous. 246 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,120 Okay. 247 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,800 Just not sure... 248 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:22,720 What? 249 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,320 I'm just... I'm just trying to... 250 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,760 Um... 251 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,280 What are you doing? 252 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,920 Oh, hello. I'm inserting a catheter. 253 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,280 No, but what are you doing there? 254 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,120 I'm, um, just pulling back your husband's foreskin 255 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,400 to insert the catheter. 256 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,640 He's circumcised. 257 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,360 No! He's what? 258 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,800 My husband is circumcised. 259 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,160 Oh, yeah, I see that. 260 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,680 Go away, Mary. 261 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:54,880 You could have said something. 262 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,560 It's my birthday today. 263 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,000 Great. Happy birthday, mate. 264 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,320 Great. Happy birthday, mate. 265 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,640 - Many happy returns, Mr Robson. - Thank you. 266 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,840 Hey, let's talk numbers, all right? 267 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:05,920 Okay. 268 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,320 How many taps you on? 269 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,840 - Let's see. - I'll tell ya. Three. 270 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,120 And you're in four independent bottle shops 271 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,920 and you just lost the JetRex deal. 272 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:13,840 To us. 273 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,256 Sounds like you've done your research, Jared. 274 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,040 We just want to throw you a lifeline, mate. 275 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,480 We know it's your baby, 276 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,520 but there's certain economic realities, all right? 277 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,520 That you created, Jared. 278 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,320 We do not want to squeeze you, man. 279 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:25,656 But you're gonna have no choice soon. 280 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,440 You're a polar bear on a bit of ice, bruv. 281 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:28,360 Yes, we are, 282 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,136 and you're fuckin' climate change, can't you see that? 283 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,680 Oh, I appreciate that. Climate change is real, man. Seriously. 284 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,640 - Yes, it is. - Yeah. Yeah. 285 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,280 - Yes, it actually is. - Totally. 286 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:38,856 I can't tell whether you're trying to 287 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,640 kiss me or fuck me here, Jared, to be honest. 288 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,920 - Why not a bit of both? - Sure. 289 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,400 But can you see my problem? 290 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,856 Like, there's two behemoths buying up all the craft beer in Australia, 291 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:46,936 all the money goes to Japan... 292 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:47,800 Konnichiwa. 293 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,600 And I can't get my beer anywhere, mate, 294 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,720 because you guys have monopolised the entire thing. 295 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,040 - Shit yeah. Shit yeah. - Yeah. 296 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,120 Even the old pubs. 297 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,640 Especially the old pubs. Yeah, we got them ages ago. 298 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,880 'Course you did. 299 00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:58,960 Look, mate. 300 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,840 - Maybe I wasn't clear. Sorry. - Mm. 301 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,640 We don't want to change a thing. 302 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,200 - Don't you? - No. No. 303 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,400 You're the conductor of the orchestra, we're just... 304 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,480 we own the opera house. 305 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,240 We just wanna make you rich, man. 306 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,840 - I'm security. - Mm? 307 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,280 You're a terrorist. 308 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,280 - And I'm letting you in... - Ah. 309 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,360 Let's blow some shit up. 310 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:18,880 - Right. Yeah. 311 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,416 - You're just the coach of the Rabbitohs. 312 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,880 I'm Russell Crowe in the box having party pies. 313 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,800 I'm worried about Gladiator and shit. 314 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,016 - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 315 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,760 And you're down there going, "Get him back." 316 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,040 "Run the field." 317 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,680 - Yeah. - "Get Greg forward." 318 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,136 - Yeah. - And I'm just up in the box 319 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,040 - trying to connect with my son. - Yeah. 320 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,520 - You get it. - Yeah, I get it. 321 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,200 - I mean, I think I... - Now, we're cool. 322 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,400 - Let me... all right, hey, now? - Yeah? 323 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:40,840 Let me take you somewhere special. 324 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,440 They do a good nachos here. 325 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,560 Oh yeah? 326 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,520 They'll do chicken or beef or whatever. 327 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,480 Do you want to get some? 328 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,400 Is that all right? 329 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,120 Yeah, get out. Go on. 330 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:00,000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 331 00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:01,600 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 332 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,280 I think James thinks about me when he masturbates. 333 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,680 - Excuse me? - Yeah. 334 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,640 He told me that he doesn't use porn, 335 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,360 he just thinks about people he was with. 336 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,320 That's pretty cool. 337 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:12,880 What? 338 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,360 What? You hated male masturbation this morning. 339 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,560 Yeah, but if I feature in it, like, that's pretty cool. 340 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,520 A word please, Ashley. 341 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,040 We've had a complaint 342 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,280 from a Mrs Mary Robson. 343 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,600 - Are you kidding? 344 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,000 - Not a laughing matter, Megan. - Mm? 345 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,240 Sorry, Gene. 346 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,920 Mr Robson, though. 347 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,200 That's pretty cool. 348 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,440 I don't sound like that. 349 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,840 - That's pretty cool. - Shut up. 350 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,800 - Probably head off... - Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus? 351 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,640 Shit, um, probably Taylor. 352 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,120 I'm Miley. She frightens me and I love it, man. 353 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,760 - Do ya? - Oh yeah. 354 00:12:58,840 --> 00:12:59,999 Oh, Crystal, well done! 355 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,360 Oh, Crystal, well done! 356 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,640 Athletes, mate. They're athletes. 357 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,960 How often can you get this close to athletes? 358 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,000 - In their prime? - Yep. 359 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,960 I mean, this is LeBron courtside. 360 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,120 - Isn't it? - Yep. 361 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,200 Righto, Crys, that's great. Good stuff. 362 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,600 That's from both of us. We're celebrating. 363 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,320 Now, Batman or Superman? 364 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:26,800 Batman, probably. 365 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,240 Oh, yeah, easy. 366 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,680 Robert Pattinson Batman. 367 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,120 - Really? - Yeah. 368 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,640 You reckon? 369 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:33,720 Yeah... 370 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:39,320 Do you reckon you prefer to breathe underwater or just fly? 371 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:44,640 Ashley, I need to know exactly what happened. 372 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,760 Mrs Robson's very upset. 373 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,360 I was trying to pull back his foreskin, okay? 374 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,120 There was a lot of excess skin around the head. 375 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,040 He's circumcised. 376 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,680 Yeah, I mean, take that up with his childhood doctor. 377 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,600 Gene, his penis is a mess. 378 00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,400 I beg your pardon, Mrs Robson. 379 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,160 Oh, come on... 380 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,160 I'm so sorry, Mrs Robson. 381 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,016 Look, if you'd like to go back and wait in the lounge, 382 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,760 I'll be with you in just a moment. 383 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,480 Now, I'm not sure what's worse. 384 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,200 Your overall conduct 385 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,400 or the fact that you're a sixth-year medical student 386 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,360 who can't tell whether a penis has been circumcised or not. 387 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,960 Do you need to see the slideshow again? 388 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,400 No, please. 389 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,520 Lot of paperwork here. 390 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,000 This is a sexual assault complaint. 391 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,336 Gene, do you know how many times I've been felt up 392 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,600 by men exactly like him? 393 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,600 - How many? - Too many. 394 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,160 Well, maybe your manner's a bit whiffy? 395 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,160 You're being too sexy. 396 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,480 Do you want to take that back, Gene? 397 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,120 I do. 398 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,280 Can I go now? 399 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,440 Yes, you can go. 400 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,360 I'll sort this out. 401 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,360 Okay, good. Thank you. 402 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,880 All right, good. 403 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,999 All the good girls have been on anyway. 404 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:00,240 All the good girls have been on anyway. 405 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,400 Yeah, totally. 406 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,800 Oi, let's go to the driving range. I've got a spare set in the car. 407 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,360 Oh, mate, I... I don't know. 408 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,680 What don't you know? 409 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,736 I don't know about everything, do you know what I mean? 410 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,600 I don't know if this is a good fit for us, to be honest. 411 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,880 - A good fit? - Yeah, sorry, man. 412 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,240 It was a pretty good fit when you ordered a $200 bottle of sticky. 413 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,200 - You said "help yourself", mate. - And you did. 414 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,600 - Cockhead. - I'm a cockhead? 415 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,560 Yes, you are a cockhead. 416 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,240 You're dank, mate. 417 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,040 That place was dank. 418 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,920 - You're fucked, mate. - I'm fucked? 419 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,016 - Yeah. - No, you're literally fucked. 420 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,136 You're brewery's closed in 12 months, mate. You got nothing. 421 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,536 - No, mate, I've got plenty. - Yeah? Hit me. 422 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,520 And it's mine, all right? So, fuck ya. 423 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,816 Here we go! Yeah, you're fuckin'... 424 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:37,216 Yeah, here we go. Here we fuckin' go, mate. 425 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,520 - Yeah, yeah, come on, mate! 426 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,920 - Nah, nah, not here, fellas. 427 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,760 - Take it down the road. - Fuck you, mate. 428 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,200 - If you fuckin'... 429 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,320 You fuckin' prick! 430 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,400 - Here we go! Here we go! 431 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,320 - This is helping. - This is good. 432 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,760 Feel the cold. 433 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:51,880 Be the cold. 434 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,280 Brr, this is good. 435 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,240 Oh, shit. 436 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,320 I... This is unbelievable. 437 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,400 You are wasted. 438 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,016 - No, Ash, no, I'm sober. - It's all good, I'm working on him. 439 00:15:59,040 --> 00:15:59,880 Don't worry, all right? 440 00:15:59,960 --> 00:15:59,998 Where did you go? What did you do? 441 00:15:59,999 --> 00:16:01,296 Where did you go? What did you do? 442 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,560 Ah, well, I went, ah... it was just lunch. 443 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,680 But then, honestly, Jared took me to a strip club. 444 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,040 - Which one? - Are you joking? 445 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,240 - Crazy Girls. - Ah, yeah. 446 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,600 Uh, no, but it was... I didn't like it. 447 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,840 Don't be mad. It was... it was really dank. 448 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,480 Yeah, no, I can back that up. 449 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,400 Ash, he's not really a strip club guy. 450 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,736 He's more a play-the-pokies guy. 451 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,000 - That's true. - Oh, cool. 452 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,080 What a catch. 453 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,520 You're supposed to clean the bin, you guys. 454 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,040 - Disgusting. 455 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,840 - Gordon, what is that? - What? 456 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,720 That is a fuckin' rat! 457 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,720 - What? - Oh, shit. 458 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,016 - Oh, fuck! - No, no, that's half a rat. 459 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,920 - Oh, no, no! - Oh my God. Oh my God. 460 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,040 - Oh no! It's like a yoyo. 461 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,800 Fuckin' hell! Is that... 462 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,720 - Holy shit! - Ah! 463 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,936 - No, he's good. - I can't breathe. 464 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,480 He's good. He's all fine. He's fine. 465 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,440 Great. I'm gonna go get changed. 466 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,000 Sorry. 467 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:00,080 Sorry. 468 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,800 - Are you right? - I am. I promise I am. 469 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,600 I had a coffee. I'm good, I'm good. 470 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,319 - Sort it out. - Yeah. 471 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,720 - Ooh, there they are. - Okay. 472 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,599 - Hello. - Hi. 473 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,920 Ashy, this is Rumi. 474 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,240 I've heard so much. 475 00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:15,200 Same, girl, same. Oh my God. 476 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,839 - Oh. - Oh my God. 477 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,440 You are such a good person. 478 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,440 - You're such a great hugger. - I'll take one of those. 479 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,240 - This is Gordon, my boyfriend. 480 00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:26,160 - Hi. - Hi. 481 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,880 - Ooh! - Ah, oh. 482 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,040 - Covid elbow? - Oh. 483 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,280 - I don't know. 484 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,696 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - No, it's fine. 485 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,760 Yeah, he's never met a woman before. 486 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,840 - Sit down, sit down. - Mm. 487 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,296 - I haven't been here before. - Do you want to...? 488 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:40,400 But I've heard it's, yep. 489 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,200 Mm, it smells good. 490 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,416 Do you know, I actually think this was my grandmother's house? 491 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,320 No way! 492 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,560 Yeah, this was the old post office and she used to live upstairs. 493 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:49,680 - Oh. - Wow. 494 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,320 My grandmother was the first female postmaster-general. 495 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,640 Uh-huh? 496 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,600 - Postmistress, I suppose. - Yeah. 497 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,560 Communication, you know? 498 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:58,480 Legacy. 499 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,040 - Oh my God, that's beautiful. - Yeah. 500 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,600 - Yeah, right. - Amazing. 501 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,720 Hello, folks. Here you go. 502 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:04,880 Can I... can I just ask, 503 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,240 did this used to be the old post office? 504 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,520 Um, I can ask? 505 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,040 No, it's okay. I know it is. 506 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,680 - You know when you can feel something? 507 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:12,320 - Yeah. 508 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,840 - Thank you. - Yeah. 509 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,280 Love that. Welcome to Shwà 510 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,536 Have you dined with us before? 511 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,760 I have. I know that 512 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,160 your menu goes from small to big, 513 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,520 the numbers are prices, 514 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,240 and, ah, your pronouns are he/him. 515 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,200 So sorry. 516 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,720 God, we would never assume anyone's pronouns. We... 517 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,816 No, no, no, I'm not. No, he told me that like a month ago. 518 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:29,976 Oh, it's really sweet of you, 519 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,280 but they're actually he/they now. 520 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:33,360 Yes! 521 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,720 - Go off, King. - Thank you. 522 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,640 - I'll give you guys a minute. 523 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:37,760 - Could we...? - Sure. 524 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:38,880 Thank you. 525 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,000 Oh my God! 526 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,440 Negroni spagliato with prosecco with it? Yes! 527 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,760 Need, need, need. 528 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,760 Shall I get a round for the table? Let's do this. 529 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:48,840 Have you got my hat? 530 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,880 - Sorry, what? - My hat? 531 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,280 No, no, I gave it to the waiter. 532 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,040 Who, the... that guy? 533 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:56,200 - Yes. - Oh. 534 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,200 - Sorry... 535 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,320 No, no, no, absolutely fine. Um... 536 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,000 It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage, I'm just gonna... 537 00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:01,536 It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage, I'm just gonna... 538 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,560 Give me one second. 539 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,800 Sorry, hi! 540 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:05,840 - Gordon. - Sorry. I'm sorry, Meggles. 541 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,536 No, it's fine. She just, she likes her hat. 542 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,920 Yeah, it's great. 543 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:09,880 Isn't she great? 544 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,000 - Yes. 545 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,240 - She is... - She's great. She's fun, and... - Yeah. 546 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,520 Everybody, relax. Whoo! 547 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,680 - There we go. My God. - Yeah, she's back. 548 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,400 I actually also wonder, 549 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,456 so what I think we should start with, tell me what you think? 550 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,240 Do you mind if I order? Can I be that person? 551 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,320 - Please do. - Fantastic. 552 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,096 - Be that person. - Do they have a hat rack? 553 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,360 - I'm joking. 554 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,600 It's a joke. 555 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,280 You know, I saw my mother, I saw my sisters, 556 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,680 I don't even have any sisters, 557 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,640 but I cannot recommend Ayahuasca enough, you know? 558 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,200 Mm, they have that in the Blue Mountains, I think. 559 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:45,800 Oh, no, not the same. 560 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:46,720 - Not the same. - No? 561 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,080 No, you have to do it in South America, otherwise, what? 562 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,040 - Sure. 563 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,336 Guys, do you know, I've got a mate who does ketamine therapy? 564 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,080 And so, for 45 minutes, he goes in and gets injected with ketamine, 565 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,320 and then, um, he's out, completely out, 566 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,999 and he wakes up and he, he has a cry, and then... 567 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:00,120 and he wakes up and he, he has a cry, and then... 568 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,480 But you've got texts to do, so not a problem. 569 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,040 You had enough to eat, baby? 570 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,400 - Yeah, I'm okay, baby. - Mmm. Come here. 571 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,536 Tell you what, the Rogan Josh is amazing. 572 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,560 - Mm! - Really... 573 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:15,480 - Best thing. - Yeah. 574 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:16,680 It's good, right? 575 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,560 It's good. I mean, street food in India is better, but... 576 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,400 - Have you been? - Oh, many times. 577 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,560 Many, many times. 578 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,600 - Really? - Yeah. God yeah. 579 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,760 India's really interesting, right? As a place. 580 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,840 Because, of course, my last name is Cashmere, 581 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,040 and so that is actually originating in the Kashmir district. 582 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:36,800 I actually consider myself Kashmiri. 583 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,480 Yeah, but you're not Indian. 584 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,520 Not in my roots, but... 585 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,160 Yeah. But, I mean, are... are you? 586 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,080 'Cause I'm... I'm Sri Lankan actually. 587 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,320 - Yeah. - Mm. 588 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,560 I know that, baby. I know that. 589 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,600 I'm just saying, you know, street food, better in the Kashmiri district. 590 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:57,480 Mm. 591 00:20:58,720 --> 00:20:59,999 I can't wait to travel with you. 592 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,280 I can't wait to travel with you. 593 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,800 - I'm really looking forward to it. 594 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,040 I love you. 595 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,400 So proud of you. 596 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,400 I've just stopped voting now 597 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,680 'cause I think that's the best use of my voice right now. 598 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,960 And I said to her, "That's clearly because you didn't breastfeed him, 599 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,160 and now you can't trust him." 600 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,560 And I thought, this is it, and I wet my pants in protest. 601 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,200 I don't believe in pets as a concept. 602 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,720 That is essentially slavery to me. 603 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,320 And then after all that, 604 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,680 had to stop playing trombone. 605 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,880 And my doctor, Susan, said 606 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,200 that I actually have two uteruses. 607 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,336 - Uterine didelphys. Studied that. - Yeah, we studied it. 608 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,840 And when Susan diagnosed me, she actually broke down crying 609 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,400 because her mother had dual uteri, right, 610 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:52,160 and Susan's mum had lost her twin at birth, 611 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,600 and get this, 612 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,520 Susan's mum had named the deceased baby Rumi. 613 00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:58,600 - Whoa. 614 00:21:58,640 --> 00:21:59,640 I know! I know! 615 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:00,000 When she said that, we cried, 616 00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:01,096 When she said that, we cried, 617 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,400 we hugged, and the clock on the wall actually stopped. 618 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,760 Oh, shut up! 619 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,280 - Excuse me? - Shut the fuck up. 620 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:08,640 - I beg your pardon?! - Sorry, I'm so sorry. 621 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,240 But fucking come on, Meggles, please. 622 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,200 Wow. 623 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,960 Wow, you little boy. 624 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,960 - I'm a little boy? - Yeah, you're a little boy. - Am I? 625 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,576 What, 'cause I'm not trying to fuck you, I've got to keep my mouth shut? 626 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,200 - What? - Whoa, okay, Rumi. 627 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,000 - I think that's not it, actually. - Really? 628 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:22,960 - No. - Really? 629 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,376 If I can, I think what it is, is that you haven't asked he or I 630 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,640 a single question all night. 631 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:27,640 Oh, Ashley, come on. 632 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,200 - No, it's true. - Ah, Ash... 633 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:30,640 You can pipe in at any point. 634 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,560 - That's exactly how conversation works. 635 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,240 - Yeah. 636 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:33,320 - In what space? - Yeah. 637 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:36,560 You go on and on and on with these insanely uncheckable stories. 638 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:37,936 They're checkable! They're all checkable. 639 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,040 No, actually, Rumi, I think the genius of you is that they're not. 640 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,000 - Huh. - Huh. 641 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,080 - Wow. - Wow. 642 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:46,120 Jordan, I am sure you've heard this a million times, 643 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,080 but you have a garden variety Madonna Whore complex. 644 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,296 - OK, I don't think we need to say that. 645 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:50,920 - Nope, first time. 646 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,240 Really? Wow, if you can't see it, it's very clear to me. 647 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,696 - Hey, don't... - In this situation, what am I? 648 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:55,560 Madonna or Whore? 649 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,056 - Well, you're in... - Please, tell me. 650 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,240 A heteronormative domestic partnership, 651 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,000 so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna, 652 00:23:00,001 --> 00:23:01,216 so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna, 653 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,280 and that's the reason that he still looks at porn. 654 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:04,480 Oh, fuckin' what? 655 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,640 - Jesus, Meggles. - Oh, sorry. 656 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,736 Do you not have anything else to talk about, the two of you? 657 00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,640 - Oh! Don't you?! - Oh, us?! 658 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,920 I mean, that is all you talked about all day 659 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,840 and we just, we just stopped talking about how many women he slept with. 660 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,696 - Oh my God. - And now it's how he's watching porn. 661 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,120 Well, this isn't very humiliating. 662 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,080 Well, can you just stop looking for issues? 663 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,080 - Sorry. - Oh, wow. 664 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,256 I... I can't be the only person here who watches porn. 665 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,040 - You're not. - I watch ethical porn. 666 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,040 Okay, how do you know I don't? 667 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,760 Well, who directed this morning's piece? 668 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:29,760 Ah... 669 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,200 Jessie... 670 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,360 Cock... man. 671 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:35,800 Yeah, you got me, Rumi. 672 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,800 Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't stay for the fuckin' finishing credits. 673 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,040 I fuckin' watch low-grade porn, was that not clear? 674 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:42,480 - Wow. Wow. - Wow yourself. 675 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,040 - Okay, I'm just gonna get the bill. - You fuck... 676 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:46,680 Cheers, and also, 677 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,160 it's Gordon, not Jordan. 678 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,160 Who? What, this? 679 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,960 - Yes. - Don't worry about it. 680 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,400 Don't really know why I keep coming back to this restaurant. 681 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,360 So. 682 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,040 - Can I have my hat? - Oh. Yeah. 683 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,280 Take off my hat. 684 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,000 - Take off my hat. - Guys. 685 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:15,760 There you go. 686 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:18,520 There it is. 687 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:20,360 Take it. 688 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:25,400 - Gordon. - Hey. 689 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:27,680 There, take it. 690 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,080 For fuck's sake. 691 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,000 Thanks, Gordon. Helpful. 692 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,440 Very mature, Gordon. 693 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,400 - I'm sorry, Meggles. - Yep. 694 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,120 Well, that was the worst. 695 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,120 Yep. Yep. 696 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760 - That was... - She sucks. 697 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,480 She's not good. I'm glad I sobered up for her though. 698 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,800 Oh my gosh. 699 00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,999 Can I just say that I'm very sorry that that happened 700 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,936 Can I just say that I'm very sorry that that happened 701 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,080 with the porn and telling Meggles... 702 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,040 You know what? 703 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:06,760 Yes, humiliating. 704 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,880 But also, I get it. 705 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,240 I get it. You gotta talk to someone. 706 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:12,400 And I'm sorry. 707 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:14,760 Can we talk about it a little bit? 708 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,000 Sure. 709 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:21,040 I am sorry that it made you feel weird. 710 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,240 Mm-hmm. 711 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,840 But also, you need to know that it's not that big a deal to me. 712 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,000 Yeah, it is to me, though, because I... I just felt 713 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,240 rejected. 714 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,880 It may be silly, but 715 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,896 I just thought we were in, like, a honeymoon phase, and... 716 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,000 Yeah. 717 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,040 - We are having a lot of sex. - Yeah. 718 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:40,680 So I'm just like, "Why do you need to do that?" 719 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,656 Oh, I didn't need to do it, it was just something... 720 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,760 It was stupid. It was... I just did it in the moment. 721 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,016 You know, there was an on-ramp. 722 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:46,560 - Yeah, the legs. 723 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:47,696 - You know, and I just did it for myself. 724 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:48,600 Yes! 725 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,680 And it's just, it's not about you. 726 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:51,760 It is though. 727 00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:54,200 Because... You could have... 728 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:55,680 We could have hung out instead. 729 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,520 That was the offer, and you... you... 730 00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:58,440 We could have. 731 00:25:58,520 --> 00:25:59,999 I know, but, Ash... And you're the best... 732 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,600 I know, but, Ash... And you're the best... 733 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,760 But just walking all the way to the train station 734 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,400 and back again with Colin... 735 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,120 He's just so fuckin' slow. 736 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,440 He is slow, bless him. 737 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:10,576 - I get it. - Honestly, Ash, 738 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,760 this is a thing that I've done since I was, what? 739 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:13,840 Thirteen? 740 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,440 It's a deeply-formed habit. 741 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,560 - Maybe a bad one, I don't know. - Okay, okay. 742 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,480 I mean, you must at least occasionally, you know... 743 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,520 - Don't say "flick the bean". - Flick the bean. 744 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:24,880 I... 745 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,120 just wouldn't choose it over time with you. 746 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,760 That's all. 747 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,320 - Right? - That's fair enough. 748 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:31,920 That's fair enough. 749 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:32,840 I... I'm gonna... 750 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,120 I'll be more mindful. 751 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,760 - Oh, will you? - Yeah. 752 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:36,720 Like a yogi? 753 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,000 - Yes, like a tantric yogi. 754 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:40,400 Like Sting. 755 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,400 Okay, I reckon Sting would go all right. 756 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,360 Oh, mate, Sting goes off. 757 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:46,920 Without a doubt. 758 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,320 - While we're on the subject... 759 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:49,960 - Yeah? 760 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,360 I accidentally jerked off an elderly man at work today. 761 00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,400 - Okay. - Yeah. 762 00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,999 Well, you know, I mean, that... 763 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:00,040 Well, you know, I mean, that... 764 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,040 - That's ethical porn. - It is. 765 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,280 I mean, there are no accidents, 766 00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,160 so let's just say I jerked off an elderly man. 767 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,496 - Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - At work. 768 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,680 It's very hard to accidentally jerk someone off. 769 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,200 How'd it happen? Is this real? This actually happened? 770 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,960 It was... it was a foreskin misunderstanding. 771 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,200 - Oh, is that what happened? - All right? 772 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,720 Yeah, yeah. I mean, that happens. 773 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,760 ♪ I was doing fine, then I met you ♪ 774 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,560 ♪ I don't need a sign ♪ 775 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,560 ♪ What will be will be ♪